.: Locked Wishes:.

I wish I could find all the words to tell you
how it is I really feel.
But the same ones are all that come to mind
and have lost appeal.

Your kindness rushes over me
like a wave crashing into a dock.
This entire time I have been looking
and you had the key to my lock.

.:Out Of My Mind:.

here you have been,
we're almost six months in.
and i never fully realized you were there.
i never really thought that you would care.

this entire time,
i have been so blind.

i have always seen you as a friend.
i didn't see that being amended.
but since that's what its become,
i am starting to feel more and less numb.

.:The Final Fight:.

i have so much hope,
buried in the shadow of my fear.

my anger is growing,
my eyes green with envy.

bleeding tears from the heart,
knowing the end is coming.

hate coursing through my veins,
enough to cut the ties.

for once in my life,
i am going to fight the lies.

.:P.S. I love you:.

i love the way you make me laugh
with your baby talk and silly jokes.
And i love when we relax and share a bubble bath,
the way you wipe away the suds to kiss my face.

the joy you bring into a room,
with just the smile you present.
the way you send away tears and gloom
with your sensual and calming hugs.

but most of all i love that i have you,
and you make me strive to do better.
you make my days so much brighter in every hue,
you make the world a better place.

p.s. i love you.

.:Competitor:.

Out of no where,
from the depths of the ocean.
Back from the dead,
to give me a scare.

You had your chance,
now he's mine!
We are happy now,
you can't save your last dance.

Your twisted fantasy,
is now mine for the taking!
You've created a war,
by messing with my ecstasy!

Good luck and goodbye,
I'm taking a stand.
This is what I want and believe in,
but for what its worth; it was a noble try.

.:Debut:.

check this while i spit it right
you had me waiting all day n night
sayin that you really loved me
when you never really could

so i took my heart an' broke ur name
the last 2 yrs were jus' a game.
i forgot who you were.
an' found a real mayne!

i said forget the past.
my goal is to surpass,
every expectation that you had for me.
thinkin i'd never last on my own.

so here's one down,
watching you try'n clown.
i'm becomin myself
an making a name

heres to provin you wrong
doing my thing since you been gone.
you thought you knew me,
neither of us saw this coming.

so good luck to you,
im waiting to see your debut.
I'm gone for good,
smiling cause with you i never could!

.:Lingering:.

Time has passed since I last talked to you. You're voice still lingers in the back of my mind... all the time. The way you said you didn't know who I was anymore or how you didn't like who I've become. I guess its hard for me to take. Losing someone, something that just helped me feel somewhat complete. Here's where it gets tricky, with that loss I've also found another world, another side, another view that makes me feel completion too. I get so lost in thought when I try to figure out what to do. Why do I want to please something from the past in this way is beyond me... does this mean my greatest fear that what I think makes me so happy now isn't, isn't what I need or where I'm supposed to be or even worse... it will all end like everything else has!? I don't want that to be, I want where I am now.. but still live for your acceptance. I think that is where I'm stuck... I need that CLARITY. Who the hell knows what I need clarified but obviously there is something. Maybe we should talk?
Time has passed since I last talked to you. Is that really your voice lingering or just myself telling myself I let you go and I shouldn't have?
============================================
"Just let go of this..."
-How? That is the reason I am the way I am today. Just let it go seems so, so wrong.
"The past is the past. You're movin forward and you're smiling and carefree. Why end it?"
-But I wouldn't be able to realize how happy my life now makes me without everything I have been through.
"You're choice... but eventually you will see you have to let this go."
-*sigh*

.:Fear of Patience:.

I let myself go.
I let you in.
I fell for you.
I ignored my fears,
of being hurt again.

You had lost your way.
You found it with me.
You forgot about her.
You created a new life,
just the way you wanted it to be.

I waited patiently.
You weren't ready to settle.
We ended up together.
We're finally on the same page,
and can enjoy the ride.

----------------------------
this did not go how i had wanted it to... writer's block i suppose.

.:My Wonderland:.

i thought you were different,
that you could be my everything.
you gave me false hope,
of what the future may bring.
even made us into more,
more than just a summer fling.

i put myself out there,
and you took me for granted.
you helped me create a fantasy,
a world completely enchanted.
you said it would change for the better,
til today and then you recanted.

you're playing games with me,
hurting my head and confusing my heart.
the level attraction beyond comprehension,
i've been mesmerized from the start.
i'm trying to play the game right,
avoiding us having to part.

i wish you could read me,
and see how much to me you mean.
i try to do so much for you,
yet it's as if it all goes unseen.
can you tell me how you feel,
are we at an in-between?

.:to SAVE me:.

why do you do this to me?!

you drive me crazy to where i can't think!
what's in it for you?
hoping my life falls to pieces...
so that i'm just as miserable as you.

i am beyond happy now!
can't you just accept that?
i don't want you in the back of my head...
i don't want to remember us anymore.

--

just get rid of me!
can't you just block me from your life?
then we could both move on...
it's not fair when im a friend to you and i get nothing.

i just want to live my life!
don't you want that too?
all we do is fight...
i'm tired of arguing for no reason.

i will ALWAYS have love for you!
don't you see?
i can't change that...
but i've moved on and you should too, for good.

why do you do this to me...?