.:More Than:.

The one thing you can't let go
the feelings that fight you inside.
I just feel I need to know,
the thoughts you hide.

Buried beneath the surface
you let yourself free.
You fear being seen as a disgrace,
and no one will hear your plea.

While you're deaf ears miss my cries,
my heart bleeds for your attention.
And despite all my desperate tries,
it's just constantly contention.

Eventually you will see,
everything you lost out on.
It's more than you and me,
but you turned us into one big con.

I will be left without you,
but finally rid of your ghost.
While you sit with nothing to do,
and can only cheers your own toast.

We all move on sometime,
whether we feel it's wrong or right.
My life will be entirely sublime,
as you live out of spite.

All in All

Behind these unfaithful eyes,
I see the truths buried beneath all the lies.

I venture deep into the thoughts,
all the laughter with the forget-me-nots.

How everything seems so right,
if only in the most twisted perfect light.

You lie to me for the entertainment,
and ignore all resentment.

I cannot see life past you,
but you lead me to be nothing but blue.

All in all it seems I'll never win,
but for what its worth I'll never give in.

.: Locked Wishes:.

I wish I could find all the words to tell you
how it is I really feel.
But the same ones are all that come to mind
and have lost appeal.

Your kindness rushes over me
like a wave crashing into a dock.
This entire time I have been looking
and you had the key to my lock.

.:Out Of My Mind:.

here you have been,
we're almost six months in.
and i never fully realized you were there.
i never really thought that you would care.

this entire time,
i have been so blind.

i have always seen you as a friend.
i didn't see that being amended.
but since that's what its become,
i am starting to feel more and less numb.

.:The Final Fight:.

i have so much hope,
buried in the shadow of my fear.

my anger is growing,
my eyes green with envy.

bleeding tears from the heart,
knowing the end is coming.

hate coursing through my veins,
enough to cut the ties.

for once in my life,
i am going to fight the lies.

.:P.S. I love you:.

i love the way you make me laugh
with your baby talk and silly jokes.
And i love when we relax and share a bubble bath,
the way you wipe away the suds to kiss my face.

the joy you bring into a room,
with just the smile you present.
the way you send away tears and gloom
with your sensual and calming hugs.

but most of all i love that i have you,
and you make me strive to do better.
you make my days so much brighter in every hue,
you make the world a better place.

p.s. i love you.

.:Competitor:.

Out of no where,
from the depths of the ocean.
Back from the dead,
to give me a scare.

You had your chance,
now he's mine!
We are happy now,
you can't save your last dance.

Your twisted fantasy,
is now mine for the taking!
You've created a war,
by messing with my ecstasy!

Good luck and goodbye,
I'm taking a stand.
This is what I want and believe in,
but for what its worth; it was a noble try.

.:Debut:.

check this while i spit it right
you had me waiting all day n night
sayin that you really loved me
when you never really could

so i took my heart an' broke ur name
the last 2 yrs were jus' a game.
i forgot who you were.
an' found a real mayne!

i said forget the past.
my goal is to surpass,
every expectation that you had for me.
thinkin i'd never last on my own.

so here's one down,
watching you try'n clown.
i'm becomin myself
an making a name

heres to provin you wrong
doing my thing since you been gone.
you thought you knew me,
neither of us saw this coming.

so good luck to you,
im waiting to see your debut.
I'm gone for good,
smiling cause with you i never could!

.:Lingering:.

Time has passed since I last talked to you. You're voice still lingers in the back of my mind... all the time. The way you said you didn't know who I was anymore or how you didn't like who I've become. I guess its hard for me to take. Losing someone, something that just helped me feel somewhat complete. Here's where it gets tricky, with that loss I've also found another world, another side, another view that makes me feel completion too. I get so lost in thought when I try to figure out what to do. Why do I want to please something from the past in this way is beyond me... does this mean my greatest fear that what I think makes me so happy now isn't, isn't what I need or where I'm supposed to be or even worse... it will all end like everything else has!? I don't want that to be, I want where I am now.. but still live for your acceptance. I think that is where I'm stuck... I need that CLARITY. Who the hell knows what I need clarified but obviously there is something. Maybe we should talk?
Time has passed since I last talked to you. Is that really your voice lingering or just myself telling myself I let you go and I shouldn't have?
============================================
"Just let go of this..."
-How? That is the reason I am the way I am today. Just let it go seems so, so wrong.
"The past is the past. You're movin forward and you're smiling and carefree. Why end it?"
-But I wouldn't be able to realize how happy my life now makes me without everything I have been through.
"You're choice... but eventually you will see you have to let this go."
-*sigh*

.:Fear of Patience:.

I let myself go.
I let you in.
I fell for you.
I ignored my fears,
of being hurt again.

You had lost your way.
You found it with me.
You forgot about her.
You created a new life,
just the way you wanted it to be.

I waited patiently.
You weren't ready to settle.
We ended up together.
We're finally on the same page,
and can enjoy the ride.

----------------------------
this did not go how i had wanted it to... writer's block i suppose.

.:My Wonderland:.

i thought you were different,
that you could be my everything.
you gave me false hope,
of what the future may bring.
even made us into more,
more than just a summer fling.

i put myself out there,
and you took me for granted.
you helped me create a fantasy,
a world completely enchanted.
you said it would change for the better,
til today and then you recanted.

you're playing games with me,
hurting my head and confusing my heart.
the level attraction beyond comprehension,
i've been mesmerized from the start.
i'm trying to play the game right,
avoiding us having to part.

i wish you could read me,
and see how much to me you mean.
i try to do so much for you,
yet it's as if it all goes unseen.
can you tell me how you feel,
are we at an in-between?

.:to SAVE me:.

why do you do this to me?!

you drive me crazy to where i can't think!
what's in it for you?
hoping my life falls to pieces...
so that i'm just as miserable as you.

i am beyond happy now!
can't you just accept that?
i don't want you in the back of my head...
i don't want to remember us anymore.

--

just get rid of me!
can't you just block me from your life?
then we could both move on...
it's not fair when im a friend to you and i get nothing.

i just want to live my life!
don't you want that too?
all we do is fight...
i'm tired of arguing for no reason.

i will ALWAYS have love for you!
don't you see?
i can't change that...
but i've moved on and you should too, for good.

why do you do this to me...?

.:One Night:.

just one night
for you to make everything right.
why would i wait on you,
years more what about the last two?

ive moved on,
no more waiting for the break of dawn.
i'm finally happy,
done with the over-rated and sappy.

falling asleep,
with a smile head to feet.
laughing to tears,
and going through without and fears.

just one knight,
in shining armor sun bright.
carried away,
to be with him forever... and a day.

.:How?:.

After your heart is broken,
once is enough...
and twice is too much...
How do we move on again?

When my dreams,
are outrageous...
and not plausible...
How are they my reality?

When my past,
is too painful...
and in all I know...
How do I make a future?

After I decide,
I have to move forward...
and I can't dwell on the past...
How do I stay strong?

And when all hope,
relies on love...
but you still think love is dead...
How do we find it again?

.:live.learn:.

when the rain falls i think of your eyes,
and all the times looking at you made me cry.
when the thunder rolls i think of your voice,
and how just one sound could knock me to the ground.
when the lightening strikes i think of your hands,
and the way i could never tell if you were there to catch my fall.

when the sun shines i see his face,
and all the happiness that i feel.
when the birds sing i feel his kiss,
and the emotion that it brings.
when the wind blows i hear his words,
and how they touch my soul.

torn between the ashes of old,
and the rays of new.
the fears of forgetting my past,
with the hope of grand future.
growing from the trials and tribulations,
to applying life lessons to every day.

one day they will see, i was never easy.
someday they will find, that i spoke my mind.
everyday they will miss, a chance to lower their fist.
today what will they do? be honest, be loyal, be true?

.:2 AM:.

its 2 am,
and i cant sleep.
i can only think of you
and your heart beat.

the way you make me smile,
just by looking in your eyes.
or the way you make me laugh,
from telling me stupid lies.

the words you speak,
when your only talking to me.
and the butterflies i get,
as you wrap your arms around me.

your kisses kill me,
as if they were poison,
because you dont feel the same,
you dont have eyes for only one.

.:What I Wish He Know:.

the bitter-sweet taste
of his salty cheek...
tears running down,
he fears he looks weak.

if he only knew
the strength i see...
when he smiles,
and when he holds me.

the chills i get
when i look in his eyes...
because i feel so safe,
and he doesn't even realize.

if he could only feel
how much i care...
when he hugs me tight,
and we just stand there.

the sadness that comes
and never goes away...
from knowing i'm not enough,
lingers with me day by day.

.:Lost & Losing:.

the tears fall like the spring rain
and all i can see is my hopes,
my dreams, all of it going down the drain.

i get so lost in you eyes,
because its one story to another,
but they're still all lies.

its a raging river coming for me,
youre on land staring,
but you still fail to see.

the pain you cause,
amplified by my lifes defeat,
makes it impossible to find peace.

where im going and where i've been,
seem to be the same,
like im traveling in circle all over again.

lost and losing control,
powered by hate and fear,
no sight of my future and goal.

everything i try is never enough,
i try to be perfect, but fail,
my face, revealing my bluff.

at the end of the road,
a dead end, if you will,
lighting the fuse, waiting to explode.

.:Out Of Fear:.

Memories that still float in the air,
the tears are flowing because of the truth.
That its always there, to much to bear.
Hurt from knowing it will never compare.

Trying the best that I know how,
fighting with every breath I take.
Hoping "I love you's" are real,
and not to much for you to feel.

Afraid of the outcome,
and not making it to the end.
I try to look on the bright side,
but I feel like i'm never on the right side.

I know that "it's all in the past",
yet it still seems as if it's happening now.
Gut feelings can be wrong,
and even if it is... I question if I belong.

.:The Way I See It:.

Impressed by how you make me smile,
and being straight faced all the while.
Curious to how you make me laugh,
without a move til the second half.

Dazzled by the way you talk,
as you look at me and gawk.
Confused by the look in your eyes,
is it real or just a disguise?

Terrified by your uncertain walk,
in fear you may turn and mock.
Intrigued by the love you give,
with hopes that we may live.